Booties and booty

So, today I had a prostate biopsy scheduled at 2 pm. Yeah, old guys have lots of problems with their prostate, including prostate cancer.

The pre-instructions said to take the included antibiotic pills 24 and 12 hours before. I did. It also said to do 2 fleet enemas 2 hours before the procedure. I tried. I did half of one and it did pretty much nothing except give me stomach cramps. I have had constipation since recently starting a cholesterol drug, Lovastatin, and since stopping it two days before I was still having the problem. The fleet enema made my stomach worse, so much so that I was considering canceling the appointment and biopsy. I went anyway though I was not feeling at all well.

I went to the surgery suite and signed in. They had me take off all my clothes and put on a gown and pretty blue booties. Then they sat me down and went over the paperwork prior to my urologist coming in and doing the ultrasound and biopsy. The nurse explained that the doctor would be puncturing my prostate gland twelve times, after which I could expect to see blood in my urine, in my stools and in my semen, for up to 3-4 weeks. "WHAT?" I exclaimed, "I don't want to see ANY blood, from ANYWHERE down there! EVER." I said that if I had known about that BEFORE, I would not have agreed to have the procedure. The urologist came in and I repeated my concerns. I told him that ever since childhood, I have had a real issue seeing my own blood, let alone any blood from "down there". In addition, I said that I have a major milestone birthday coming up and could not imagine getting laid and seeing blood cum out of my penis. Ugh. Ew. No birthday booty for me. I said I did not want to celebrate my milestone birthday by seeing myself peeing, crapping and ejaculating blood! He said, "Don't look." I did not laugh. Instead I said, "Forget the biopsy, I'm not doing it. And I'm keeping the booties." He reluctantly accepted my refusal.

I got dressed, left the surgical suite, and went home. With the booties.